Define: Worship

In a online chat forum with a number of other subs and doms, an admin posed the topic discussion of "Define: Worship", and after spending some time contemplating it I began to write my personal opinion of what "Worship" means. It was only halfway through that I realised I'd managed to avoid directly referencing the lifestyle and actually give it some spiritual undertones - which fits nicely with my own philosophy of submission, where it is more than just a sexual thing but a huge part of my psychology and personality, and worshipping a domme does mean more than just sexually pleasing her. And so I strove to continue writing in that almost poetic style, and eventually wove more kinky aspects into the explanation. Anyway, at risk of sounding overly proud, it got a lot of good reception from both the other subs and the doms in said group, so I thought I'd post it up here. Enjoy!

"How to define worship?

I would define it as an unquestioning devotion (within reason of course, one must consider your personal safety above all things). A devotion to do whatever is asked of you, in the hopes of appeasing a higher power.

A drive, that motivates you and pushes you to do things you would not have previously considered or thought yourself capable of. You may spend hours in solitude, meditating on how lucky you are to a humble servant of this superior being; you may worship them more directly, giving your body to them as a vessel of their own will; or you may have yourself flagellated to remind you that you are below them and unworthy of their attentions.

Worship is at the core of my own submission and very being. I will do whatever I can to appease my domme and hope that she find me worthy of recognition"

I hope you enjoyed this post! I look forward to reading any comments you may have, or even your own defintions of Worship!

SS

Day 3 of Kink and Submission

30 Days of Kink:

DAY 3 : DISCOVERIES...
How did you discover that you were kinky?
Ah right back in the beginning. Let's see...
I was 18 and in a relationship at the time with a girl from my college. It was my first 'serious' relationship if I'm honest (while I'd had relationships before, the longest any lasted were a few months and none of them reached a sexual level), and we had been together for around 5 or 6 months and I'd lost my virginity with this girl only about a month previous. Now I cant put an exact time stamp on it, or say exactly what prompted the change, but we quickly began getting rougher in the bedroom - nothing like the world of BDSM that I have since discovered, but pinning each other down and teasing them with playful bites and scratches, or staying just out of reach of any of their kisses. Now while this was a mutual and light-hearted thing, I quickly realised I REALLY enjoyed that helplessness of being pinned down, unable to touch my partner, and the elation i got from the pain of being scratched. Time passed like this, and I mostly attributed it to just 'enjoying rough sex', and then as summer drew to an end we swore our true love vows and she went off to university and I went travelling in Australia. 
While staying in a youth hostel in Sydney I met a young Canadian girl with a love for psychology and she explained to me things like Myers-Briggs Personality Type and eventually her own sadistic tendencies. I didn't quite know what she meant and this lead to her playfully explaining through running her nails down the side of my neck and all down my arm. That elation surged through me again all at once, and instantly felt aroused and ashamed (for I was already in a relationship back here in the UK, and I didn't want to be unfaithful). But Canada clicked too, reading my masochism like a book and taking great pleasure in it. And over the next few days and nights they proceeded to tease me so, and further explain their understanding of S&M to me, after which, through guilt and worry that I may do something I'd regret I rang my girlfriend back home and explained that I didn't think long distance would work out for us and I thought we should break up (a white lie, if not the exact truth). She begged me to stay and thinking back the wonderful long summer we'd had I decided it wasn't worth sacrificing that for a few nights of passion in a foreign country. So me and Canada went our separate ways with my curiosity peaked. After a month and a half in Aus, I was packing to come back to the UK when I got a phone call from my partner telling me she'd met someone at university and it was over. And after a rather messy break-up upon my return, I was left a single bloke with their eyes opened to the possibilities of BDSM. I took to the internet and began looking for more like-minded people who could explain this to me, and well, the rest, they say, is history.
I'm now 21 years old, have had a series of partners and online dynamics since and can say with certainty that I am a submissive male.

30 Days of Submission:

3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

Most of this seems to be covered above but I'll do my best to try and provide an alternate slant on it for this question.
How do I know I'm submissive? Well I get immense satisfaction from the happiness and pleasure of others, and I don't just mean sexual pleasure. If I run errands for someone or complete a job for them, I get pleasure from that too. But of course I do get the most pleasure from pleasing a partner however they wish. Being an experimentalist, I'm pretty open minded about trying new things to please my partner, so it's good in my head. For the same reason, I love being set tasks and rules to follow, as I know my domme enjoys both watching me complete them and delights at my failure and the prospect of punishment that comes with it. 

As stated above, I'm also a masochist, so not only do I enjoy my domme's pleasure at punishing me but I also enjoy corporal punishment myself too.

How do I feel when I express my submission? Ooo, what a wonderfully deep question. Well if you've read any of my other posts you've probably seen me say that I love submitting. But that's not a very broad answer and while I find myself using that word a lot, it's exact meaning can be unclear.
I guess I find a huge amount of satisfaction in any act of submission. I find it fulfilling and it makes me happy knowing that I have done something to please another. There is also an element of feeling 'naughty', like I am doing something many would consider taboo and that prospect is exciting.

When I enter 'sub space' which lately I've been finding myself doing more and more with very little prompting, I feel full of energy with which to devote my attention to completing a task or otherwise submitting to my domme, and thats about the only way to relieve said energy. So honestly it can get quite frustrating and exhausting not being able to submit to anyone as all that energy just sticks around for several days, unable to go anywhere - which is why I am so happy to have started this blog. 

So I guess submission fills me with energy which I channel towards pleasing others, which in turn brings a huge sense of fulfilment and pride. If I fail and I'm punished then the masochist in me relishes in that too, but that's a discussion for another time.

Well today's questions were interesting, if a little long winded! I hope I didn't bore you, and I look forward to answering tomorrows batch:

• CLUES... Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.

• Do you switch into a dominant role at any time

Until next time! Scientist.

A New Day, A New Dawn

So it is almost 3:00 in the afternoon on a lovely sunny day in March, and I prepare to take my next steps in the world of BDSM - starting my own blog(s).

I have been aware of the lifestyle for just over 3 years now, first exploring this side of me with an ex back in 2013 and discovering I really like pain and restraint. Naturally further exploration lead me to deduce I was masochist, and later a submissive, however by that time I was single again. But not letting that stop me, I did what anybody does in this day and age, and took to the internet to explore the kink community a little closer. Eventually I was pointed at Fetlife and munches, but with it came the veritable sea of fakes, scammers and altogether unpleasant people - although that is perhaps a topic for another time.

All the same, not prepared to just give up there, I put myself out there and began reaching out to people around me who seemed nice enough, and though it took a while, by end of 2016 I had an online domme (call her 'M') who lived not to far away and agreed to trial and train me online, before considering making me her full-time submissive, following an initial monetary 'tribute'. And that went well, I learnt a lot about myself and my kink, as well as how to behave appropriately as a sub. To always address dommes as  "Miss X" and by their preferred title if I serve them specifically; to not reach out to other dommes behind M's back; to always use polite and proper English; and to always respond to contact promptly. I was also set tasks to suitably prepare me for service and to learn my place beneath M.
However, one day, without warning she ghosted me. Her profile still exists, she just stopped replying to messages.

Still, unperturbed and mostly even more enthused about the prospect of serving a domme than before, I proceeded to put myself back out there, attending munches where possible and joining Collarspace, where again it was clear that the odds were against me fulfilling my dream of devoting myself to a woman's pleasure, as so many of my fellow men are so clearly claiming to be subs so that they can hound women for sex. Honestly (and like I said before, I could talk for hours on this, so I will have to make a more extensive post another time), sometimes I am ashamed to call myself a man. Not because I prescribe to the toxic opinion that submission = femininity = weakness, but because the rest of my gender is so vile and single-minded. Having no understanding of manners or respect, simply going from place to place demanding that women sleep with them.

Eventually, I found myself dating - quite by accident - a switch, and in doing so discovered that perhaps I do have a little dominant in me. I wouldn't say I'm truly a switch as I can happily go indefinitely without letting my dominant side out, simply that I can service dom and enjoy it. If I were to put a number on it I would say it was a 95 to 5% split of submissive to dominant. Through t
his relationship, I began to learn a lot more of what my submission means to me (again, a topic for a later post perhaps), and finally assured me that this was what I wanted - to find a domme to devote myself to, body and mind, and ensure their satisfaction and pleasure. Sadly that relationship ended when I returned to university (because she 'found God' of all things). But shortly after I found a new online domme to resume training me, and this proved to be a very educational experience in itself, as I realised not all dommes (just like submissives) are the same.

I have since had this explained to me as the Sadist (Natural Dominant) vs Non-Sadist approaches. Where Sadists enjoy the control and power of having a submissive, setting tasks and rules for you to follow and then enjoy punishing you for failing; Non-Sadists prefer specific acts of kink - such as bondage, and spanking - simply expecting you to be able to follow any rules and do as they wish, but if you cannot perform then you are not worthy of serving them. As it happens, apparently most subs cannot handle this former Sadist type, unable to deal with the punishment and reality. But I'm the opposite. I enjoy following rules and completing tasks for my domme's amusement, and I fully accept any punishment that comes if I fail to deliver. I simply require my submission to feel valued. And as a result, I struggle to serve Non-Sadists.

So this new D/s arrangment proceeded normally at first, but she quickly began demanding multiple tributes as well as funding for new kit and that I join various subscribed sites - well naturally this raised alarm bells, and combined with her Non-Sadist approach, I began to think it wasn't working. Well rather unsurprisingly, after around a month of this, she also ghosted me, and this has left me with a rather jaded opinion on financial domination and especially tributing. While, I can appreciate that findom is a very real kink for many dominants and submissives, and that yes tributing does help weed out fake submissives from genuine ones; it also provides an excuse for fake dominants to scam people out of their money, as well as providing a barrier to entry to genuine subs who cant afford to throw £30 at every domme they wish to talk to. But I digress.

So this brings me to the most recent history of my journey through the BDSM lifestyle. I have recently joined a number of Kik chat rooms with other dominants and submissives of all genders and types, and that has lead me here - to create a blog to document the journey ahead and to hopefully demonstrate my own authenticity as a intelligent and capable young submissive.

To a new day, in the life of a scientist submissive!