So it is almost 3:00 in the afternoon on a lovely sunny day in March, and I prepare to take my next steps in the world of BDSM - starting my own blog(s).
I have been aware of the lifestyle for just over 3 years now, first exploring this side of me with an ex back in 2013 and discovering I really like pain and restraint. Naturally further exploration lead me to deduce I was masochist, and later a submissive, however by that time I was single again. But not letting that stop me, I did what anybody does in this day and age, and took to the internet to explore the kink community a little closer. Eventually I was pointed at Fetlife and munches, but with it came the veritable sea of fakes, scammers and altogether unpleasant people - although that is perhaps a topic for another time.
All the same, not prepared to just give up there, I put myself out there and began reaching out to people around me who seemed nice enough, and though it took a while, by end of 2016 I had an online domme (call her 'M') who lived not to far away and agreed to trial and train me online, before considering making me her full-time submissive, following an initial monetary 'tribute'. And that went well, I learnt a lot about myself and my kink, as well as how to behave appropriately as a sub. To always address dommes as "Miss X" and by their preferred title if I serve them specifically; to not reach out to other dommes behind M's back; to always use polite and proper English; and to always respond to contact promptly. I was also set tasks to suitably prepare me for service and to learn my place beneath M.
However, one day, without warning she ghosted me. Her profile still exists, she just stopped replying to messages.
Still, unperturbed and mostly even more enthused about the prospect of serving a domme than before, I proceeded to put myself back out there, attending munches where possible and joining Collarspace, where again it was clear that the odds were against me fulfilling my dream of devoting myself to a woman's pleasure, as so many of my fellow men are so clearly claiming to be subs so that they can hound women for sex. Honestly (and like I said before, I could talk for hours on this, so I will have to make a more extensive post another time), sometimes I am ashamed to call myself a man. Not because I prescribe to the toxic opinion that submission = femininity = weakness, but because the rest of my gender is so vile and single-minded. Having no understanding of manners or respect, simply going from place to place demanding that women sleep with them.
Eventually, I found myself dating - quite by accident - a switch, and in doing so discovered that perhaps I do have a little dominant in me. I wouldn't say I'm truly a switch as I can happily go indefinitely without letting my dominant side out, simply that I can service dom and enjoy it. If I were to put a number on it I would say it was a 95 to 5% split of submissive to dominant. Through t
his relationship, I began to learn a lot more of what my submission means to me (again, a topic for a later post perhaps), and finally assured me that this was what I wanted - to find a domme to devote myself to, body and mind, and ensure their satisfaction and pleasure. Sadly that relationship ended when I returned to university (because she 'found God' of all things). But shortly after I found a new online domme to resume training me, and this proved to be a very educational experience in itself, as I realised not all dommes (just like submissives) are the same.
I have since had this explained to me as the Sadist (Natural Dominant) vs Non-Sadist approaches. Where Sadists enjoy the control and power of having a submissive, setting tasks and rules for you to follow and then enjoy punishing you for failing; Non-Sadists prefer specific acts of kink - such as bondage, and spanking - simply expecting you to be able to follow any rules and do as they wish, but if you cannot perform then you are not worthy of serving them. As it happens, apparently most subs cannot handle this former Sadist type, unable to deal with the punishment and reality. But I'm the opposite. I enjoy following rules and completing tasks for my domme's amusement, and I fully accept any punishment that comes if I fail to deliver. I simply require my submission to feel valued. And as a result, I struggle to serve Non-Sadists.
So this new D/s arrangment proceeded normally at first, but she quickly began demanding multiple tributes as well as funding for new kit and that I join various subscribed sites - well naturally this raised alarm bells, and combined with her Non-Sadist approach, I began to think it wasn't working. Well rather unsurprisingly, after around a month of this, she also ghosted me, and this has left me with a rather jaded opinion on financial domination and especially tributing. While, I can appreciate that findom is a very real kink for many dominants and submissives, and that yes tributing does help weed out fake submissives from genuine ones; it also provides an excuse for fake dominants to scam people out of their money, as well as providing a barrier to entry to genuine subs who cant afford to throw £30 at every domme they wish to talk to. But I digress.
So this brings me to the most recent history of my journey through the BDSM lifestyle. I have recently joined a number of Kik chat rooms with other dominants and submissives of all genders and types, and that has lead me here - to create a blog to document the journey ahead and to hopefully demonstrate my own authenticity as a intelligent and capable young submissive.
To a new day, in the life of a scientist submissive!
