Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Define: Worship

In a online chat forum with a number of other subs and doms, an admin posed the topic discussion of "Define: Worship", and after spending some time contemplating it I began to write my personal opinion of what "Worship" means. It was only halfway through that I realised I'd managed to avoid directly referencing the lifestyle and actually give it some spiritual undertones - which fits nicely with my own philosophy of submission, where it is more than just a sexual thing but a huge part of my psychology and personality, and worshipping a domme does mean more than just sexually pleasing her. And so I strove to continue writing in that almost poetic style, and eventually wove more kinky aspects into the explanation. Anyway, at risk of sounding overly proud, it got a lot of good reception from both the other subs and the doms in said group, so I thought I'd post it up here. Enjoy!

"How to define worship?
I would define it as an unquestioning devotion (within reason of course, one must consider your personal safety above all things). A devotion to do whatever is asked of you, in the hopes of appeasing a higher power.
A drive, that motivates you and pushes you to do things you would not have previously considered or thought yourself capable of. You may spend hours in solitude, meditating on how lucky you are to a humble servant of this superior being; you may worship them more directly, giving your body to them as a vessel of their own will; or you may have yourself flagellated to remind you that you are below them and unworthy of their attentions.
Worship is at the core of my own submission and very being. I will do whatever I can to appease my domme and hope that she find me worthy of recognition"

I hope you enjoyed this post! I look forward to reading any comments you may have, or even your own defintions of Worship!

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Day 3 of Kink and Submission

30 Days of Kink:

How did you discover that you were kinky?

Ah right back in the beginning. Let's see...
I was 18 and in a relationship at the time with a girl from my college. It was my first 'serious' relationship if I'm honest (while I'd had relationships before, the longest any lasted were a few months and none of them reached a sexual level), and we had been together for around 5 or 6 months and I'd lost my virginity with this girl only about a month previous. Now I cant put an exact time stamp on it, or say exactly what prompted the change, but we quickly began getting rougher in the bedroom - nothing like the world of BDSM that I have since discovered, but pinning each other down and teasing them with playful bites and scratches, or staying just out of reach of any of their kisses. Now while this was a mutual and light-hearted thing, I quickly realised I REALLY enjoyed that helplessness of being pinned down, unable to touch my partner, and the elation i got from the pain of being scratched. Time passed like this, and I mostly attributed it to just 'enjoying rough sex', and then as summer drew to an end we swore our true love vows and she went off to university and I went travelling in Australia. 
While staying in a youth hostel in Sydney I met a young Canadian girl with a love for psychology and she explained to me things like Myers-Briggs Personality Type and eventually her own sadistic tendencies. I didn't quite know what she meant and this lead to her playfully explaining through running her nails down the side of my neck and all down my arm. That elation surged through me again all at once, and instantly felt aroused and ashamed (for I was already in a relationship back here in the UK, and I didn't want to be unfaithful). But Canada clicked too, reading my masochism like a book and taking great pleasure in it. And over the next few days and nights they proceeded to tease me so, and further explain their understanding of S&M to me, after which, through guilt and worry that I may do something I'd regret I rang my girlfriend back home and explained that I didn't think long distance would work out for us and I thought we should break up (a white lie, if not the exact truth). She begged me to stay and thinking back the wonderful long summer we'd had I decided it wasn't worth sacrificing that for a few nights of passion in a foreign country. So me and Canada went our separate ways with my curiosity peaked. After a month and a half in Aus, I was packing to come back to the UK when I got a phone call from my partner telling me she'd met someone at university and it was over. And after a rather messy break-up upon my return, I was left a single bloke with their eyes opened to the possibilities of BDSM. I took to the internet and began looking for more like-minded people who could explain this to me, and well, the rest, they say, is history.

I'm now 21 years old, have had a series of partners and online dynamics since and can say with certainty that I am a submissive male.

30 Days of Submission:

3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

Most of this seems to be covered above but I'll do my best to try and provide an alternate slant on it for this question.
How do I know I'm submissive? Well I get immense satisfaction from the happiness and pleasure of others, and I don't just mean sexual pleasure. If I run errands for someone or complete a job for them, I get pleasure from that too. But of course I do get the most pleasure from pleasing a partner however they wish. Being an experimentalist, I'm pretty open minded about trying new things to please my partner, so it's good in my head. For the same reason, I love being set tasks and rules to follow, as I know my domme enjoys both watching me complete them and delights at my failure and the prospect of punishment that comes with it. 
As stated above, I'm also a masochist, so not only do I enjoy my domme's pleasure at punishing me but I also enjoy corporal punishment myself too.

How do I feel when I express my submission? Ooo, what a wonderfully deep question. Well if you've read any of my other posts you've probably seen me say that I love submitting. But that's not a very broad answer and while I find myself using that word a lot, it's exact meaning can be unclear.
I guess I find a huge amount of satisfaction in any act of submission. I find it fulfilling and it makes me happy knowing that I have done something to please another. There is also an element of feeling 'naughty', like I am doing something many would consider taboo and that prospect is exciting.
When I enter 'sub space' which lately I've been finding myself doing more and more with very little prompting, I feel full of energy with which to devote my attention to completing a task or otherwise submitting to my domme, and thats about the only way to relieve said energy. So honestly it can get quite frustrating and exhausting not being able to submit to anyone as all that energy just sticks around for several days, unable to go anywhere - which is why I am so happy to have started this blog. 
So I guess submission fills me with energy which I channel towards pleasing others, which in turn brings a huge sense of fulfilment and pride. If I fail and I'm punished then the masochist in me relishes in that too, but that's a discussion for another time.

Well today's questions were interesting, if a little long winded! I hope I didn't bore you, and I look forward to answering tomorrows batch:

  • CLUES... Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.
  • Do you switch into a dominant role at any time
Until next time! Scientist.

Saturday, 1 April 2017

30 Days: Day 2

30 Days of Kink:

DAY 2 : YOUR KINKS...List your Kinks. Describes what it is about being Dominant or submissive that excites and arouses you the most.

So I touched on this in yesterdays post, but I'll cover it again here for the sake of engaging properly in the task. First of all, I'm an experimentalist. I love to try new things and broaden my experiences. In kink terms that means I'm pretty open minded about peoples kinks and I'll try almost anything once, usually twice (Don't want to put it down to a bad experience). My own personal kinks, both the ones I've tried and the ones I haven't are heavily centred around worshipping my domme, but many are also just things that fascinate me or I just enjoy. So firstly, I love cunnilingus, how intimate it is and how pleasurable it is for my partner. By extension, while I have yet to try it, I love the idea of facesitting/queening. The functionality and objectification of it, but especially how... how to describe it... all encompassing(?) it is. I just love the idea of being tied down, unable to go anywhere with my domme sat on my face, and that is my reality until I have satisfied her. Which leads me onto my next kink, bondage. I have tried a little rope and cuff bondage, but primarily my experience so far has just been with being pinned down by my partner. The helplessness of it all, barely to move as my partner teases or punishes me, remaining just out of reach - now that really gets me aroused. I have begun teaching myself rope bondage too, as I find it both fun, interesting and useful; and like many advocates of rope I have to agree that its main appeal is it is just so damn pretty! Shibari harness especially, but even just simple box ties, gauntleting or arm binding, they are such amazing things to behold - both the ties themselves and the marks they leave!
Another big kink of mine that I have tried and since cant get enough of, is breath play. Not only is the lightheadedness an amazing feeling when combined with other kinks, but I also adore the power play at work when my domme's hand is around my throat. In that moment I am both terrified and aroused, and even if they aren't applying much physical pressure, my breath catches in my throat and I'm left in a terrific limbo, between elation and terror, just staring wide-eyed, up at my superior. There's a whole science to breath play regarding pressure points and the like, and I would love to experience more of it.
Finally, while not a kink I have any experience of, electrostimulation fascinates me! I have no idea what it actually feels like, but its a sensation I'm dying to experience, both as a punishment and as a reward. And again, soooo pretty. Violet wands and their like, as well as pads and cattle prods, they are my mental image of kink.
Writing this it occurs to me that I think half the reason I like all these kinks is they could so easily all fit into one scene: tied down with electropads down my flanks giving me occasional shocks, my domme astride my face, while I gasp for air between trying to please her - now that is my idea of fun.

30 Days of Submission

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

What a great question! Firstly, I feel I should comment how I am all too aware that I cannot afford to be too picky in this lifestyle. Whether the facts are to be believed or not (100:1 sub men to dommes), it is extremely hard for young (especially inexperienced) submissive men to find dommes to submit to, so I have to remain relatively open minded about who I would choose to serve.
That said, its not very in the spirit of the question to dismiss it as "I don't get a choice, I just serve whoever I'm lucky enough to have notice me", and its certainly not as fun!
So to begin, I should explain that, as covered in my last 30 days post, my brand of submission involves being helpful/useful/pleasing any way I can, both in the bedroom and out. In fact, I already get kicks out of just helping people out in day to day life, without them even knowing I'm a submissive. So to say, that I would more than happily be a lifestyle submissive, doing chores and errands during the day, and satisfying my domme by night. 

I'm also a bit of a hopeless romantic, so while I don't dislike the concept of play partners (and in fact it appeals to me as being useful for expanding my repertoire of knowledge and experience), ultimately I would like to be committed to serving a domme personally and actively enjoying each others company outside the context of the dynamic. What's more, being as I get most of my kicks from knowing that my partner is satisfied with my performance, I'm more likely to get that recognition of my submission from a domme that I am also romantically associated with.
Finally, and linking back to my first post "A New Day, A New Dawn", I love being set rules to follow and tasks to complete, and to appease my domme in the process. I'm also a masochist, so I love to be punished for failing in this task and I love knowing my domme is relishing in said punishment. So therefore a Sadist (Natural Dominant) is far more appropriate a fit for my submission.

Once again, I hope you have enjoyed reading! Feel free to ask any questions you may have, I'll usually respond! Tune in tomorrow for Day 3: Discoveries and How do you know you are submissive?

Friday, 31 March 2017

30 days of Kink and Submission

So to get the ball rolling on here I am going to be doing a series of prescribed questions over the next 30 days pertaining to the nature of my kink, my experience of the lifestyle so far and my submission. Hopefully this will serve to fast track explaining a little bit more about myself, while also providing a strong script to ensure I don't miss anything. So without further ado, here are Day 1s questions:

30 Days of Kink:
Dominant, submissive or switch? List the parts of BDSM that get your juices flowing, what interests you the most? Basically define your kinky nature.

Ha, well, I could talk for hours on this alone! I'm not a dominant, that's for sure. And until a year ago I'd have happily just said I was a submissive and been done with it. But following a recent relationship I learned I do in fact have a dominant side, I just cant maintain it for any length of time and it may even be an extension of my submission, as it mostly only makes an appearance with other switches when I know they enjoy it. But its there, tucked away. By comparison, I can spend several continuous days in sub space and not feel like I'm missing anything by not being dominant or even just not in sub-space. Being submissive is huge part of my personality, not just a kink, and it influences me outside the bedroom as well as in. So while I may be termed a switch by some, I prefer to identify as a sub, as I can go without being dominant indefinitely, and it just easier to explain.
As for my 'kinky nature', as I just touched on, I thrive on the pleasure and happiness of others. A number of people have actually questioned this, saying its an inherently dominant trait, but I'd argue its simply an uncommon trait in male subs. I get off on doing everything in my power to ensure my domme's happiness, satisfaction and pleasure; I dont require a reward or reciprocation of my efforts, simply acknowledgement and thanks. I am however a masochist, so if I do fail to deliver not only do I enjoy how much my domme enjoys punishing me, but I enjoy being punished too. 

30 Days of Submission:
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

My submission (as detailed above) has always seemed pretty unique to me. I'm not a little or a pet, and I dont specifically desire any type of treatment. I simply desire to fulfil my dommes own desires, to serve her as best I can, in and out of the bedroom, and to be appreciated for doing so. That last bit has always made me apprehensive of identifying as a slave for instance. Until recently I adopted what I thought was a self-made label of Service Sub - not quite slave but not quite regular sub - but apparently thats taken and its not what I am. So maybe I just dont have a label, or perhaps I'll just have to make do with Lifestyle Submissive

Cheers! Tune in tomorrow for:

  • My kinks
  • Who might I submit to and how

A New Day, A New Dawn

So it is almost 3:00 in the afternoon on a lovely sunny day in March, and I prepare to take my next steps in the world of BDSM - starting my own blog(s).

I have been aware of the lifestyle for just over 3 years now, first exploring this side of me with an ex back in 2013 and discovering I really like pain and restraint. Naturally further exploration lead me to deduce I was masochist, and later a submissive, however by that time I was single again. But not letting that stop me, I did what anybody does in this day and age, and took to the internet to explore the kink community a little closer. Eventually I was pointed at Fetlife and munches, but with it came the veritable sea of fakes, scammers and altogether unpleasant people - although that is perhaps a topic for another time.

All the same, not prepared to just give up there, I put myself out there and began reaching out to people around me who seemed nice enough, and though it took a while, by end of 2016 I had an online domme (call her 'M') who lived not to far away and agreed to trial and train me online, before considering making me her full-time submissive, following an initial monetary 'tribute'. And that went well, I learnt a lot about myself and my kink, as well as how to behave appropriately as a sub. To always address dommes as  "Miss X" and by their preferred title if I serve them specifically; to not reach out to other dommes behind M's back; to always use polite and proper English; and to always respond to contact promptly. I was also set tasks to suitably prepare me for service and to learn my place beneath M.
However, one day, without warning she ghosted me. Her profile still exists, she just stopped replying to messages.

Still, unperturbed and mostly even more enthused about the prospect of serving a domme than before, I proceeded to put myself back out there, attending munches where possible and joining Collarspace, where again it was clear that the odds were against me fulfilling my dream of devoting myself to a woman's pleasure, as so many of my fellow men are so clearly claiming to be subs so that they can hound women for sex. Honestly (and like I said before, I could talk for hours on this, so I will have to make a more extensive post another time), sometimes I am ashamed to call myself a man. Not because I prescribe to the toxic opinion that submission = femininity = weakness, but because the rest of my gender is so vile and single-minded. Having no understanding of manners or respect, simply going from place to place demanding that women sleep with them.

Eventually, I found myself dating - quite by accident - a switch, and in doing so discovered that perhaps I do have a little dominant in me. I wouldn't say I'm truly a switch as I can happily go indefinitely without letting my dominant side out, simply that I can service dom and enjoy it. If I were to put a number on it I would say it was a 95 to 5% split of submissive to dominant. Through t
his relationship, I began to learn a lot more of what my submission means to me (again, a topic for a later post perhaps), and finally assured me that this was what I wanted - to find a domme to devote myself to, body and mind, and ensure their satisfaction and pleasure. Sadly that relationship ended when I returned to university (because she 'found God' of all things). But shortly after I found a new online domme to resume training me, and this proved to be a very educational experience in itself, as I realised not all dommes (just like submissives) are the same.

I have since had this explained to me as the Sadist (Natural Dominant) vs Non-Sadist approaches. Where Sadists enjoy the control and power of having a submissive, setting tasks and rules for you to follow and then enjoy punishing you for failing; Non-Sadists prefer specific acts of kink - such as bondage, and spanking - simply expecting you to be able to follow any rules and do as they wish, but if you cannot perform then you are not worthy of serving them. As it happens, apparently most subs cannot handle this former Sadist type, unable to deal with the punishment and reality. But I'm the opposite. I enjoy following rules and completing tasks for my domme's amusement, and I fully accept any punishment that comes if I fail to deliver. I simply require my submission to feel valued. And as a result, I struggle to serve Non-Sadists.

So this new D/s arrangment proceeded normally at first, but she quickly began demanding multiple tributes as well as funding for new kit and that I join various subscribed sites - well naturally this raised alarm bells, and combined with her Non-Sadist approach, I began to think it wasn't working. Well rather unsurprisingly, after around a month of this, she also ghosted me, and this has left me with a rather jaded opinion on financial domination and especially tributing. While, I can appreciate that findom is a very real kink for many dominants and submissives, and that yes tributing does help weed out fake submissives from genuine ones; it also provides an excuse for fake dominants to scam people out of their money, as well as providing a barrier to entry to genuine subs who cant afford to throw £30 at every domme they wish to talk to. But I digress.

So this brings me to the most recent history of my journey through the BDSM lifestyle. I have recently joined a number of Kik chat rooms with other dominants and submissives of all genders and types, and that has lead me here - to create a blog to document the journey ahead and to hopefully demonstrate my own authenticity as a intelligent and capable young submissive.

To a new day, in the life of a scientist submissive!