Day 3 of Kink and Submission

30 Days of Kink:

DAY 3 : DISCOVERIES...
How did you discover that you were kinky?
Ah right back in the beginning. Let's see...
I was 18 and in a relationship at the time with a girl from my college. It was my first 'serious' relationship if I'm honest (while I'd had relationships before, the longest any lasted were a few months and none of them reached a sexual level), and we had been together for around 5 or 6 months and I'd lost my virginity with this girl only about a month previous. Now I cant put an exact time stamp on it, or say exactly what prompted the change, but we quickly began getting rougher in the bedroom - nothing like the world of BDSM that I have since discovered, but pinning each other down and teasing them with playful bites and scratches, or staying just out of reach of any of their kisses. Now while this was a mutual and light-hearted thing, I quickly realised I REALLY enjoyed that helplessness of being pinned down, unable to touch my partner, and the elation i got from the pain of being scratched. Time passed like this, and I mostly attributed it to just 'enjoying rough sex', and then as summer drew to an end we swore our true love vows and she went off to university and I went travelling in Australia. 
While staying in a youth hostel in Sydney I met a young Canadian girl with a love for psychology and she explained to me things like Myers-Briggs Personality Type and eventually her own sadistic tendencies. I didn't quite know what she meant and this lead to her playfully explaining through running her nails down the side of my neck and all down my arm. That elation surged through me again all at once, and instantly felt aroused and ashamed (for I was already in a relationship back here in the UK, and I didn't want to be unfaithful). But Canada clicked too, reading my masochism like a book and taking great pleasure in it. And over the next few days and nights they proceeded to tease me so, and further explain their understanding of S&M to me, after which, through guilt and worry that I may do something I'd regret I rang my girlfriend back home and explained that I didn't think long distance would work out for us and I thought we should break up (a white lie, if not the exact truth). She begged me to stay and thinking back the wonderful long summer we'd had I decided it wasn't worth sacrificing that for a few nights of passion in a foreign country. So me and Canada went our separate ways with my curiosity peaked. After a month and a half in Aus, I was packing to come back to the UK when I got a phone call from my partner telling me she'd met someone at university and it was over. And after a rather messy break-up upon my return, I was left a single bloke with their eyes opened to the possibilities of BDSM. I took to the internet and began looking for more like-minded people who could explain this to me, and well, the rest, they say, is history.
I'm now 21 years old, have had a series of partners and online dynamics since and can say with certainty that I am a submissive male.

30 Days of Submission:

3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

Most of this seems to be covered above but I'll do my best to try and provide an alternate slant on it for this question.
How do I know I'm submissive? Well I get immense satisfaction from the happiness and pleasure of others, and I don't just mean sexual pleasure. If I run errands for someone or complete a job for them, I get pleasure from that too. But of course I do get the most pleasure from pleasing a partner however they wish. Being an experimentalist, I'm pretty open minded about trying new things to please my partner, so it's good in my head. For the same reason, I love being set tasks and rules to follow, as I know my domme enjoys both watching me complete them and delights at my failure and the prospect of punishment that comes with it. 

As stated above, I'm also a masochist, so not only do I enjoy my domme's pleasure at punishing me but I also enjoy corporal punishment myself too.

How do I feel when I express my submission? Ooo, what a wonderfully deep question. Well if you've read any of my other posts you've probably seen me say that I love submitting. But that's not a very broad answer and while I find myself using that word a lot, it's exact meaning can be unclear.
I guess I find a huge amount of satisfaction in any act of submission. I find it fulfilling and it makes me happy knowing that I have done something to please another. There is also an element of feeling 'naughty', like I am doing something many would consider taboo and that prospect is exciting.

When I enter 'sub space' which lately I've been finding myself doing more and more with very little prompting, I feel full of energy with which to devote my attention to completing a task or otherwise submitting to my domme, and thats about the only way to relieve said energy. So honestly it can get quite frustrating and exhausting not being able to submit to anyone as all that energy just sticks around for several days, unable to go anywhere - which is why I am so happy to have started this blog. 

So I guess submission fills me with energy which I channel towards pleasing others, which in turn brings a huge sense of fulfilment and pride. If I fail and I'm punished then the masochist in me relishes in that too, but that's a discussion for another time.

Well today's questions were interesting, if a little long winded! I hope I didn't bore you, and I look forward to answering tomorrows batch:

• CLUES... Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.

• Do you switch into a dominant role at any time

Until next time! Scientist.